To get straight to the point, taking Lorenzo to Zambia didn’t go as I had envisioned. I guess most things don’t. And we’re left to wrestle with God. And in that searching and wrestling God teaches us something beautiful about ourselves and about life and through that He refines us into a being more like Him. So this 2-part story is the story of God’s refining fire (part 1) and His product (part 2).
As Lorenzo and I left for Zambia, I thought God would reward my blood, sweat, and tears leading up to the trip by miraculously changing Lorenzo’s character while we were in Africa from being selfish and doing his own thing to one of gratitude and obedience. In hindsight, I realized this thought is sinful thinking God owes me anything for my obedience and ignorant thinking Lorenzo would miraculously change light years faster than the Lord has changed me.
We definitely had some mountaintop experiences while we were together that I chronicled in my blog, but they were balanced with some of the most trying times in our relationship that I didn’t know what to do with. The first week we were at Camp, Lorenzo was my “co-leader” but was essentially a sub-leader since it was his first time and he was only 13. To kick things off, his 2nd question to our Zambian co-leader, Elijah, was, “So, do you have AIDS or something?” Thankfully, Elijah responded very gracefully and I told Lorenzo that’s not really an appropriate question to ask.
During week 1, Lorenzo made some friends with the Zambian kids, but also made some enemies. I was foolish to think Lorenzo would operate outside of the M.O. of interacting with others that he has learned through the culture of the inner city. For the first 13 years of his life, Lorenzo has learned to save face through glorifying himself, putting down others, having a tough persona, and chasing the cutest girls. Growing up without a father, he has a hard time responding well to authority. His mom working non-standard hours to provide for her sons has given him freedom to do as he pleases (to her credit though, she’s held a job at Home Depot for over 11 years!). On top of that, he definitely has A.D.D. Bringing all of these together meant that he often roamed around camp doing his own thing, not listening to American and Zambian leaders, disrupting other groups, and essentially leading on the Zambian girls.
In one instance, during a crowded exodus of our large group time, one of the Zambian boys accidently touched Lorenzo in a way he didn’t like. Lorenzo got right up in his face and said, “Touch me again and see what happens!” I quickly and firmly pinched his shoulder and led him out of the auditorium and in my anger said, “We are trying to teach these kids about God’s love and you are doing the opposite. You know how to act and you know how to treat others with respect. Now start doing it!” I had to get back to my group to make sure the kids got on the right bus, trusting that Lorenzo would get on his right bus. As my bus was about to pull out of camp, someone rushed onto it and said, “Lorenzo is walking down the road outside of Camp by himself!” As the bus turned onto the road, I saw Greer (Family Legacy leader) picking up Lorenzo in his vehicle, so I knew he was in good hands. When I arrived back to our villa Lorenzo wouldn’t talk to anyone.
Our friends, the Schweinfurth family, encouraged him to write me an apology letter. It was more of a, “I’m sorry, but” letter, but at least if opened up conversation between us so that we could move on. It went from saying “I’m sorry” to “you were probably just born with a mental problem” to “I am not here to talk to girls, but to tell people about God” to calling me “mean Brett” to saying “I love you and I know you love me” to “sometimes I don’t like you” to “I hope you accept my apology”. One of the things I really appreciate about Lorenzo is that he’s not afraid to speak his mind! After laughing a bit to myself, I apologized to him for responding in anger and we moved on.
After many conversations with Family Legacy staff, we agreed to let Lorenzo have his own group (with a strong Zambian co-leader) for the second week of Camp. This decision went against every ounce of my own logic and system of trying to reward good behavior, but we knew we didn’t want to have another week like the first one and had to try something new. To my surprise, Lorenzo stepped up to the challenge very well! He took great ownership and proactively took responsibility for the kids in his group. With the exception of him flooding our villa by leaving the water running while we were at Camp, Week 2 went much better.
On the way home though, things took a turn for the worse again. For our overnight layover in London, I gave Lorenzo the choice of whether he wanted to go out with some friends and me for a late night out. He agreed to go, but losing his bandana that he got for free and being tired ruined his night very quickly. He lagged 100 yards behind the group, moped around, and refused to eat an incredible dinner. For the adults who appreciated our chance to have a night out in London, this was very frustrating.
Side note: Lorenzo almost ended up in a London jail because he packed a slingshot in his carry-on! The airport attendants asked for his passport, called the police, and did a background check on him. They ended up letting him go because he was so young and just confiscated his slingshot which I replaced when we got home. Also, they almost didn’t let us pass through customs because of our unique relationship.
A couple of my friends picked us up from DFW upon our arrival. When they asked Lorenzo how it was, he only talked about the problems we had while we were over there. When they asked what he learned or if anything was good about Africa, he said he had fun on the safari and seeing Victoria Falls. When we dropped Lorenzo off, I let out a huge sigh of relief. After 23 straight days with a middle-schooler, my attitude could be summed up by a semi-serious joke I made to some Americans at Camp Life when they asked how often I see Lorenzo in Dallas and I responded, “Well, Mercy Street has a minimum of 2 personal contacts per month, so I’m good through 2011!”
The next few weekends I had some stuff to catch up on and went to Cleveland to visit my new niece who was born the week we left for Zambia so it gave Lorenzo and me a bit of a break. But the next time Lorenzo was up at Mercy Street he choked one of Trey’s kids and was blatantly disrespectful to Trey, Mercy Street’s executive director, and Tracy, Mercy Street’s building manager. They came and found me and I found Lorenzo storming around. I told him he had to leave and he stormed off saying, “Fine, you can find yourself a new mentee then!” That was a kick square to the teeth.
After all the time and energy I had invested in him in my year of mentoring him and taking him to Africa, I had nothing to show for it. To be honest, I desperately wanted to give up on him. The phrase “lead those who want to be led” was tempting. Not only that, but what do I tell everyone who invested their money and prayers in me bringing him over there? Sorry for wasting your money and my time, but I don’t see any hope?
To be continued…
As Lorenzo and I left for Zambia, I thought God would reward my blood, sweat, and tears leading up to the trip by miraculously changing Lorenzo’s character while we were in Africa from being selfish and doing his own thing to one of gratitude and obedience. In hindsight, I realized this thought is sinful thinking God owes me anything for my obedience and ignorant thinking Lorenzo would miraculously change light years faster than the Lord has changed me.
We definitely had some mountaintop experiences while we were together that I chronicled in my blog, but they were balanced with some of the most trying times in our relationship that I didn’t know what to do with. The first week we were at Camp, Lorenzo was my “co-leader” but was essentially a sub-leader since it was his first time and he was only 13. To kick things off, his 2nd question to our Zambian co-leader, Elijah, was, “So, do you have AIDS or something?” Thankfully, Elijah responded very gracefully and I told Lorenzo that’s not really an appropriate question to ask.
During week 1, Lorenzo made some friends with the Zambian kids, but also made some enemies. I was foolish to think Lorenzo would operate outside of the M.O. of interacting with others that he has learned through the culture of the inner city. For the first 13 years of his life, Lorenzo has learned to save face through glorifying himself, putting down others, having a tough persona, and chasing the cutest girls. Growing up without a father, he has a hard time responding well to authority. His mom working non-standard hours to provide for her sons has given him freedom to do as he pleases (to her credit though, she’s held a job at Home Depot for over 11 years!). On top of that, he definitely has A.D.D. Bringing all of these together meant that he often roamed around camp doing his own thing, not listening to American and Zambian leaders, disrupting other groups, and essentially leading on the Zambian girls.
In one instance, during a crowded exodus of our large group time, one of the Zambian boys accidently touched Lorenzo in a way he didn’t like. Lorenzo got right up in his face and said, “Touch me again and see what happens!” I quickly and firmly pinched his shoulder and led him out of the auditorium and in my anger said, “We are trying to teach these kids about God’s love and you are doing the opposite. You know how to act and you know how to treat others with respect. Now start doing it!” I had to get back to my group to make sure the kids got on the right bus, trusting that Lorenzo would get on his right bus. As my bus was about to pull out of camp, someone rushed onto it and said, “Lorenzo is walking down the road outside of Camp by himself!” As the bus turned onto the road, I saw Greer (Family Legacy leader) picking up Lorenzo in his vehicle, so I knew he was in good hands. When I arrived back to our villa Lorenzo wouldn’t talk to anyone.
Our friends, the Schweinfurth family, encouraged him to write me an apology letter. It was more of a, “I’m sorry, but” letter, but at least if opened up conversation between us so that we could move on. It went from saying “I’m sorry” to “you were probably just born with a mental problem” to “I am not here to talk to girls, but to tell people about God” to calling me “mean Brett” to saying “I love you and I know you love me” to “sometimes I don’t like you” to “I hope you accept my apology”. One of the things I really appreciate about Lorenzo is that he’s not afraid to speak his mind! After laughing a bit to myself, I apologized to him for responding in anger and we moved on.
After many conversations with Family Legacy staff, we agreed to let Lorenzo have his own group (with a strong Zambian co-leader) for the second week of Camp. This decision went against every ounce of my own logic and system of trying to reward good behavior, but we knew we didn’t want to have another week like the first one and had to try something new. To my surprise, Lorenzo stepped up to the challenge very well! He took great ownership and proactively took responsibility for the kids in his group. With the exception of him flooding our villa by leaving the water running while we were at Camp, Week 2 went much better.
On the way home though, things took a turn for the worse again. For our overnight layover in London, I gave Lorenzo the choice of whether he wanted to go out with some friends and me for a late night out. He agreed to go, but losing his bandana that he got for free and being tired ruined his night very quickly. He lagged 100 yards behind the group, moped around, and refused to eat an incredible dinner. For the adults who appreciated our chance to have a night out in London, this was very frustrating.
Side note: Lorenzo almost ended up in a London jail because he packed a slingshot in his carry-on! The airport attendants asked for his passport, called the police, and did a background check on him. They ended up letting him go because he was so young and just confiscated his slingshot which I replaced when we got home. Also, they almost didn’t let us pass through customs because of our unique relationship.
A couple of my friends picked us up from DFW upon our arrival. When they asked Lorenzo how it was, he only talked about the problems we had while we were over there. When they asked what he learned or if anything was good about Africa, he said he had fun on the safari and seeing Victoria Falls. When we dropped Lorenzo off, I let out a huge sigh of relief. After 23 straight days with a middle-schooler, my attitude could be summed up by a semi-serious joke I made to some Americans at Camp Life when they asked how often I see Lorenzo in Dallas and I responded, “Well, Mercy Street has a minimum of 2 personal contacts per month, so I’m good through 2011!”
The next few weekends I had some stuff to catch up on and went to Cleveland to visit my new niece who was born the week we left for Zambia so it gave Lorenzo and me a bit of a break. But the next time Lorenzo was up at Mercy Street he choked one of Trey’s kids and was blatantly disrespectful to Trey, Mercy Street’s executive director, and Tracy, Mercy Street’s building manager. They came and found me and I found Lorenzo storming around. I told him he had to leave and he stormed off saying, “Fine, you can find yourself a new mentee then!” That was a kick square to the teeth.
After all the time and energy I had invested in him in my year of mentoring him and taking him to Africa, I had nothing to show for it. To be honest, I desperately wanted to give up on him. The phrase “lead those who want to be led” was tempting. Not only that, but what do I tell everyone who invested their money and prayers in me bringing him over there? Sorry for wasting your money and my time, but I don’t see any hope?
To be continued…
